My mum and I get along great. In fact, if you heard me speaking with her on the phone you might think I was conversing with my boyfriend. In the spirit of this wonderful relationship, I have confidently typed up this post with the assurance that I won’t be needing new prescription glasses any time soon! (Or a trip to the dentist’s).

You see, my mum sometimes does and says things that make me want to pull my hair out or roll on the floor laughing..

Scenario 1

It’s around 8:00 pm and I step out of my room. Mum is watching Tv

Me: Mumsi, are you hungry?
Mum: No
Me: are you sure? I want to make myself something. Se you don't need anything?
Mum: Don't worry, I'm fine
Me: ok  (I head to the kitchen)

About 20 minutes later, I’m back  with my plate of noodles..

Mum: ki l'o se? se indomie? ( what did you cook? is it indomie?)
Me: yes
Mum: ok oo

I’m happily preparing to eat my noodles but I can feel eyes boring into my head so I look up

Me: mumsi, what is it?

Silence. She’s looking at me with a funny expression

Me: e de s'oro (say something)
Mum: ti mo ba s'oro, o ma binu. Oju e n ba mi l'eru (you'll be mad if I speak. You countenance scares me)
Me: No, I won't be. What is it? ( I have a pretty good idea but my mind is rejecting it)
Mum: Oo le believe pe ebi n pa mi sa (You won't believe I'm hungry)
Me: (in my head..NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!)

 

Scenario 2

Me: mumsi, you know Bruce Jenner?
Mum: ta ni yen? (who is that?)
Me: that man married to Kim Kardashian's mum
Mum: ehn ehn, kilosele?
Me: he's no longer Bruce ooo, he's now Caitlyn
Mum: how come?
Me: he decided to become a woman
Mum: a woman?  woman? as in obinrin? (she's clearly perplexed)
Me: Exactimo
Mum: orisirisi (all sorts..)

A few days later, mum is talking with a friend of hers..

Mum's Friend: so many bad things are happening ehn, all these earthquakes. The world is surely coming to an end..
Mum: it's true oooo my sister, sure sign of the end times. Imagine that Bruce Jenner becoming a woman! 
Mum's Friend: who's Bruce Jenner?
Me: ........................................................

Scenario 3

Sometimes after watching Cheaters or The Jerry Springer show- her current favourites- my mum retires to bed immediately. On one such night around 11:00 pm..

Mum: I'm going to sleep, turn off the lights. Goodnight.
Me: ok, goodnight (I turn off all the lights)

About 45 minutes later, I decide to take a bath. When I step into my room (which is dark) a few minutes later, I nearly have a heart attack. My mum is lying down on my bed in a long, white outfit smiling at me. Why???

Mum: I wanted to scare you. (mission accomplished!)

Scenario 4

My brother and I are watching Ocean’s 11 when mum settles in beside us. After a while..

Mum: Is there no one else ko ni yen ni? (Isn't that 'Is there no one else'?)
Billz, Me: Yes. (We both know she's referring to Brad Pitt! Sorry Brad, not your sexiest nickname).
We've got each others backs!

We’ve got each others backs!

I love my mum to no end and I’m truly grateful for all the mentioned and unmentioned scenarios 🙂 . I enjoy hearing her sing Anita Baker songs and watching her dance to Kanda Bongo Man (don’t even get me started on this dude) 🙂 .

Feel free to share your own ‘mumsi’ stories or scenarios.

Cheers 🙂