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Story! Story!

 

Remember those amazing yellow buses we all loved to ride on or stand in when we wanted cheaper transport fare a few years back? Yeah, those luxurious and comfy molue buses with so much drama almost every trip. Well, I once heard a funny story about one particular trip, interested? It happened like this..

Courtesy naijalog.com

After passengers had boarded and the bus had moved a ways, the conductor began to ask for the fare. As you may know, those who stand usually pay a bit less than those who get seats and as such one of the standing passengers stretched out his N20 bill to the bus conductor who refused it..

Conductor: ehn, N30 l'owo mi jo, ab'o ya were ni? (my money is N30 jo, or are you crazy?)
Standing Passenger: haba, N20 ni nau, oye ti mo ni niyen (haba, it's N20, that's the amount I have)
Conductor: o dabi oloriburuku l'eleyi sha, fun mi l'owo mi o (this guy must be cursed, give me my money o)
Standing Passenger: ejo, mi o ni owo kankan mo (please, I have no more money)

At this point, other passengers began to speak up confirming that the passenger was to pay N20 but the conductor refused and got aggressive towards the man in question. On seeing that, another passenger offered to pay the difference..

Samaritan Passenger: conductor, oya take. Leave this guy, abeg
Conductor: wetin? I no want your money, make e pay me

The bus had become very rowdy and it was obvious the conductor was just being a bully because he kept hitting the passenger who was standing. His stocky build and harsh voice must have given him some sort of leverage because the passenger didn’t fight back but kept pleading.

Samaritan Passenger: ah ahn, why are you hitting him? He said that's all he has. Let me pay for him
Conductor: you dey craze abi, se you no hear me?
Samaritan Passenger: eh! na me you dey follow talk like dis? You know who I be?
Conductor: who you be? Even if you be Obasanjo sef..

O ma se ooo!! (What a pity!!)  See, this happened when Obasanjo was the President and Commander-in-Chief of the armed (and apparently unarmed) forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. If only the foolish conductor had known better.

On hearing the conductors remark, the Samaritan Passenger (SamP) got up from his seat, walked up to the conductor and with just one arm, grabbed him by the neck, close to the jaw and lifted him off his feet till his head hit the ceiling of the bus. The conductors arms went limp and blood began to ooze from his ears and nose; he was rendered immobile but remained conscious. Of course, there was a lot of screaming and shouting going on and when the bus driver stopped for a bit due to the commotion, a few passengers were able to get off the bus.

SamP, however, did not let go of the conductor, he was quite intent on teaching him a lesson in manners and speaking. The bus driver then decided to drive into the nearest Police station. This turned out to be another bad idea. Amidst all the commotion, the first passenger to get off was a woman who, upon showing her I.D to the first Police officer to approach, got a swift salute and thus the attention and respect of all the other officers present.  After listening to her instructions, the officers proceeded to apprehend the bus driver (who had been bragging about having SamP dealt with) and the conductor with slaps and kicks ensuing. They deflated the bus’s tires and asked the passengers to form a queue after which the conductor was instructed to return their fares to them. 

Turns out that the woman, SamP and about two others on the bus were, and maybe still are, agents of the State Secret Service. Disrespecting Obasanjo was the perfect in to ‘clear the conductors doubts’. One can only imagine what happened at that Police Station and how StandP must have felt about it.

Lesson? Be careful what you say, where you say it and who you say it to.  Just a little something to think about.. Have you had any funny or crazy experiences similar to this or different? Let me know in the comments section 🙂

 

3 thoughts on “Story! Story!”
  1. Damola 11th December 2015 on 6:14 am Reply

    Loved it all the way through…especially the ‘StandP’ twist at the end.
    One wonders where you learnt to ‘speak’ as an ‘Agbero’ Morolawun…nice one!

  2. Tosin 27th November 2015 on 10:25 pm Reply

    Hilarious and instructive! Nice piece

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