In a recent conversation with a friend of mine, we talked about how men approach women sometimes and how it affects the audience they get, if any at all. This brought back memories of some of the things I have been told over the years and I decided to share some of them. From ……. pick up lines to…… expectations (I’ll let you decide what adjectives to qualify them with after reading)
Remember Tunde, Shifi and Zeal? No? How about Styl-Plus? Yeah, them.
Well, when I was 17 or so, they were all the rage with hits like Olufunmi and Runaway. These two tracks were arguably the most popular songs on their first album; certainly, most young people knew them. So, imagine my surprise when one fine Sunday evening, Ogaga walked up to me and said;
Ogaga: ‘Can I talk to you?
Me: 'OK' (Of course, I had an inkling of what he wanted to talk about. I’d been avoiding him for days)
Ogaga: 'I like you'
Me: 'OK…' (he seemed shy and I was thinking of how best to respond)
Ogaga: 'The reason I picked a Sunday is ‘cos the angels would be totally at the disposal of you and me. The reason I need the angels to talk to you for me is that you’re my angel and… '
Need I go on? Imagine how I felt.
Freshman year in Uni, I went to visit a friend in a hostel outside of school. This guy walked up to me and said;
Guy: 'Hi. Are you a fresher?'
Me: 'Hello. Yes, I am'
Guy: 'Do you stay here?'
Me: 'No, I'm here to see a friend'
Guy: 'OK. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that your backside turns me on'
Me: 'Am I supposed to be impressed? (Seriously..)'
Turns out he was 2 years ahead of me, in the same department and crushing on a girl in my room who just happened to possess a…… yeah, you guessed it.
As students, we tend to spend some time in the library, for whatever reason. On one such occasion, I was in the library with friends; a guy and a girl and we were getting set to leave. A guy walks in and waves at me. I’m about to walk towards him when he indicates that he needs the attention of my male friend. OK. (Note: we’re all Nigerians, this happened in England). Apparently, he needed help with the vending machine (nothing wrong with that) and thought my male friend would be better suited to help him discreetly. That didn’t work out well since we all figured out what he needed after my friend exclaimed ‘Oh, you don’t know how to use it!’.
A couple of minutes later, I leave with my girlfriend and after a while we notice the same guy walking behind us. Anyway, we’re chatting away like there’s no tomorrow and even though it’s almost 11 pm, we feel safe. After about 10 minutes, we stop at a store to shop. As we’re about to enter, guy calls out to me;
Guy: ‘Excuse me’. I turn back while my friend waits inside the store just behind me
Guy: ‘Are you African’?
Guy: ‘Are you Nigerian?’
Hmmm..You really can’t tell, eh? My British accent must be on point.
Me: ‘………Yes, I am’
Guy: ‘My name is Chris. Let me have your number so I can call you when I'm less busy’
Me: ‘……………There’s no need for that. I believe you just saw me in the library, I'm quite busy too. Good night!’
What?? People actually say stuff like this!
Please, feel free to share your funny, weird or downright annoying stories about the worst or best pick up lines you’ve ever heard 🙂