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Things Men Have Said to Me (Part 2)

 

Morolawun courtesy AKT

Morolawun courtesy AKT

One fine evening, on my way back from Bible Study, someone happened to come across me at the city centre (somewhere in England). It was sometime after 10pm and I was in a very pleasant mood; you’ll probably attest to this. So, there I was, bouncing along happily, feeling an abundance of grace and love after reciting 2 Corinthians 13:14 when this dude calls out to me:

Dude:  ‘Excuse me, hi’ ( His accent was quite heavy, African maybe)

I stopped and turned towards him.

Me: ‘Hello’
Dude: ‘Do I know you?’   

Huh?Thinking smile

Me: ‘…..Do you?’ ( I was genuinely curious)
Dude: ‘Are you a student here?’
Me: ‘Yes, I am’ 
Dude: ‘Undergraduate?’
Me: ‘Postgrad’

I swear I must have been crazy for answering!

Dude: ‘What school?’
Me: ‘…………..’
Dude: ‘My name is Chris. I’m a Nigerian but I was born in Germany..’  

This was said with a huge smile. Like I care, right…

Me: ‘Goodnight’ Ninja

What was I thinking?Eye rolling smile

Ladies, you know how sometimes you meet  a guy who says one thing but means the opposite? Well, there’s this guy my colleagues often tease me about; never in his presence though. He comes by almost every week so he’s a regular and he’s always well put together. Let’s just call him WPTD (Well Put Together Dude).  We only ever exchange greetings and sort work related stuff, no more. On one such day he asks to speak with me privately, so we head out of the office:

WPTD: ‘I need to talk to you about something’
Me: ‘OK, what is it?’
WPTD: ‘My colleague told me that she thinks I like you. I just want you to know that it’s not true. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression at all’

No kidding, how would I have gotten that?Eye rolling smile

Me:  ‘I’ll just wipe the thought away. See? It’s gone from my mind’
WPTD: ‘I’m serious’
Me: ‘So am I’
WPTD: ‘I don’t think of you in that way, it’s never crossed my mind at all’
Me: ‘Yea, yea, I get it’

I thought it couldn’t get worse, I should have known better

WPTD: ‘So, what’s up with you? You’re always busy when I come around’
Me: ‘Mmmm’
WPTD: ‘You’re so small, so easy to carry’
Me: ‘Sorry?’

Huh, where did this come from? Confused smile

WPTD: ‘Yes. Looking at you I can tell you don’t weigh more than a bag of pure water’

Say what? OMG! He actually said that with a smile; he just compared me to a bag of pure water! I’m standing there too stupefied for words with my brows almost riding up to my hairline. He must have taken this as a cue to go on because next thing I know, he brings out his phone and proceeds to show me a picture of himself, bare chested as evidence that he can indeed lift a bag of pure water. Meh, I don suffer!

About two months ago, a colleague of mine, much older colleague, called me while I was home ( we have lines for official calls).  After the initial greetings and an unnecessarily long list compliments and prayer points:

Colleague: ‘This is not a conversation we can have at the office because it’s personal. I've been working here for 7 years and I swear, since then, I have never asked anyone out’
Me: ‘Mmmm’

Like I care..

Colleague: ‘The truth is I like you and I want you to consider me. I’m serious, I like you so much’
Me: ‘Hmmm, I’ll get back to you’

When hell freezes over!Annoyed

A couple of weeks later, he calls out to me while I’m preparing to leave the office.

The conversation is in Yoruba..

Colleague: ‘Bawo ni? Ah, mi o fe ba e soro ninu office, s’o mo..’ (How are you? Ah, I didn’t want to talk to you in the office, you know..)
Me: ‘Ki l’e fe?’ (What do you want?)
Colleague: ‘Mo need owo ni. Mo ro pe o le help mi, s’o mo pe ko da k’eyan ma suffer in silence..’ (I need some money. I think you can help me, you know it’s not good to suffer in silence..)
Me: ‘Ehn, e de feel pe o da wipe ke beere owo l’owo mi?’ (So, you think asking me for money is a good idea?)
Colleague: ‘Ehn, o le help mi’ ( Yes, you can help me)
Me: ‘No, that was a very very bad idea!’Punch

I left.  O fe gba owo to fe fi s’omo lowo mi, mscheeeew. 

Please, feel free to share your funny, weird or downright annoying stories about the worst or best pick up lines you’ve ever heard 🙂

 

12 thoughts on “Things Men Have Said to Me (Part 2)”
  1. Infiniti 4th January 2016 on 9:14 am Reply

    Deola bag of pure water bawo dat dude is something else

  2. Joseph 11th November 2015 on 5:51 pm Reply

    Now you got me Laughing really hard.

  3. Timz 29th October 2015 on 11:10 am Reply

    LWKMD. Guyz like dis still exists.

  4. Damola 11th October 2015 on 12:41 pm Reply

    This is really hillarious.
    I was wondering, how did you ‘wipe it off your memory’ just like that? That must have been some advance tech cos erasers don’t work that first…lol

    Some guys really can’t express themselves especially meeting a lady for the first time so sometimes, they end up saying dumb shit similar to what you speak of which may necessarily not define who they are.
    Just saying…

    Waiting for part 3…

    • Morolawun Akinsola
      Morolawun Akinsola 11th October 2015 on 12:47 pm Reply

      Oh, I can assure you that WPTD had many chances to make ‘a better impression’ of himself..

  5. SH2AYO 6th October 2015 on 10:38 am Reply

    WPTD (Well Put Together Dude). !!! ..lol!
    I’m dead…where did you get that phrase from? That dude should not read this….

  6. dikoko 5th October 2015 on 4:17 pm Reply

    you cant say u are not interested in any of these people????

  7. torex 4th October 2015 on 10:03 pm Reply

    Wow!!!bag of pure water@Adeola .Seriously, like really? You don really suffer gan oooo. Lol!

    • Jibola 5th October 2015 on 7:22 am Reply

      Na wa o! These people no try at all. You sef get their size for hand. Deola, you are still as playful as ever…

    • Morolawun Akinsola
      Morolawun Akinsola 5th October 2015 on 10:38 am Reply

      :p

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