At work today, my colleagues and I got into a funny conversation about reincarnation. It’s just like us to discuss weird stuff and today was no different. A client of ours even chipped in after a while. It was an abrupt shift in topic as we were attending to clients (our conversations keep our customers smiling so don’t judge). We had been talking about rats, roaches and finding snakes in residential places…
It went something like this:
Consultant: How do cockroaches get into the house sef?
Omoge: Ah, through nylons. if there are plenty of them
Consultant: ehn, really? But I don' t keep nylons
FunkyM: if you have sandy paint on the wall they can come in..
Consultant: Ehen..ok. I hate crawling things. I hate cockroaches, especially the ones that fly..
Me: all cockroaches fly. They're nocturnal so you probably only see them fly at night
Agbani: I hate all these things ehn. One time my husband and I went to check out a place around Magodo and we saw a snake just outside the house. I ran away ooooo. I left them all there all the while shouting my husbands name..I hate snakes. It's like the people there are used to that since it's their house sha
Everyone is cracking up at this point..
Consultant: When I was younger and just a few people lived in my area, we used to kill snakes a lot because we saw them often. Sometimes, we would both run on seeing each other. God has truly given us dominion over them because their first instinct is always to run.
Me: hmmm... (I'm not familiar with such scenarios). You only live once unless you believe in reincarnation sha.
Consultant: Sure, why not?
Client: Ehen...so your grand grand parents that have died since all these years are back abi?
We all laugh at this.
Client: Maybe they have turned into birds
Me: If reincarnation is real, what would you wanna come back as?
Consultant: hmmmm.. a plant. That way I won't be moved
Me: huh? (mentally rme) A plant? Which one? (I'm thinking cacti)
Professor: I want her (consultant) to be reincarnated as a mosquito (said with much glee).
Me, Consultant: Ah! Professor!
Agbani, FunkyM, Omoge and the clients all laugh.
Me: By the way, can anyone tell the difference between a rat and a mouse?
Agbani: Mouse? Which one is that again?
Consultant: Isn't it that one that makes noise at night?
FunkyM: ehn, it's called asin(yoruba term) but I don't know how you say it in English. It's big
Professor: ok, that one with a pointed mouth
Omoge, Agbani: Ehen..
Me: It's not asin ooo and it's smaller than a rat not bigger. You know Jerry in Tom & Jerry? He's a mouse
Consultant: ehen..me I thought rat was the Nigerian name and mouse is the American one ooo (laughs)
Me: eeeeh (incredulous)
Agbani: so those ones too stay in the house with people, ehn
Me: Yes now. Mice can be in the house
Professor: Ehen, so mices too will be running about the house
Consultant: Ah ahn..mices?
Me: Professor, mice is plural for mouse
Professor: Ehen (laughs)
Agbani: eh, who has time to decide if it's a rat or a mouse sef. But they're still better than snakes sha. You can't stay in the same house with a snake oooo, unlike rats.
Consultant: Would you rather be reincarnated as a rat or a snake?
Agbani, Omoge: None
Professor: I think I'd like to be a chicken.
Agbani: You want to be killed?
Me: I can kill chicken ooooo
Professor: Ehn, short lifespan. Then there's Easter, Christmas, Birthdays...anything can happen.
At this point, I'm clearly stupefied as is Consultant.
Consultant, Me: So you wanna be beheaded?
Me: I thank God I didn't come as a mosquito or housefly oooo
Consultant: As a snake, I'd be the predator so..
Me: (Nodding in agreement)
Agbani: God forbid, why? Snakes are terrible
Client: Exactly! And once they strike ehn, that is the end. Before you start tying the place and what not.. Ah. They're dangerous ooooo, especially that black mamba (pronounced maaaaaamba!). Rats are still better. You can't be in a house with a snake ooo Me: Amazing snakes of Africa...
Agbani: Yes now
Consultant: That's true, but as a reincarnation nko? Hmmm, maybe I should be a peacock
Me: Why a peacock? Why not a peahen? (I was quite serious)
Me: It's the female peacock
Consultant: Which one is brightly coloured?
Me: The peacock
Consultant: That's the one I want to be
Me: So you want to be male in your next life?
Consultant: Ehn.. (shrugs)
Me: How about a Panda? We can eat bamboo all our lives. Or animals we hardly hear about like the Armadillo or a porcupine.
The client left at this point.
Professor: Which one is Armadillo again (laughs)
Consultant: Morolawun, what animal is that now (laughs)
Me: Ok oooo
Few minutes later…
Me: Can you imagine? I just got a message from my friend and....
N.B: Some of the comments here are not necessarily fact so be sure to do your own research on creepy crawlers.