My mum and I get along great. In fact, if you heard me speaking with her on the phone you might think I was conversing with my boyfriend. In the spirit of this wonderful relationship, I have confidently typed up this post with the assurance that I won’t be needing new prescription glasses any time soon! (Or a trip to the dentist’s).
You see, my mum sometimes does and says things that make me want to pull my hair out or roll on the floor laughing..
It’s around 8:00 pm and I step out of my room. Mum is watching Tv
Me: Mumsi, are you hungry?
Me: are you sure? I want to make myself something. Se you don't need anything?
Mum: Don't worry, I'm fine
Me: ok (I head to the kitchen)
About 20 minutes later, I’m back with my plate of noodles..
Mum: ki l'o se? se indomie? ( what did you cook? is it indomie?)
Mum: ok oo
I’m happily preparing to eat my noodles but I can feel eyes boring into my head so I look up
Me: mumsi, what is it?
Silence. She’s looking at me with a funny expression
Me: e de s'oro (say something)
Mum: ti mo ba s'oro, o ma binu. Oju e n ba mi l'eru (you'll be mad if I speak. You countenance scares me)
Me: No, I won't be. What is it? ( I have a pretty good idea but my mind is rejecting it)
Mum: Oo le believe pe ebi n pa mi sa (You won't believe I'm hungry)
Me: (in my head..NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!)
Me: mumsi, you know Bruce Jenner?
Mum: ta ni yen? (who is that?)
Me: that man married to Kim Kardashian's mum
Mum: ehn ehn, kilosele?
Me: he's no longer Bruce ooo, he's now Caitlyn
Mum: how come?
Me: he decided to become a woman
Mum: a woman? woman? as in obinrin? (she's clearly perplexed)
Mum: orisirisi (all sorts..)
A few days later, mum is talking with a friend of hers..
Mum's Friend: so many bad things are happening ehn, all these earthquakes. The world is surely coming to an end..
Mum: it's true oooo my sister, sure sign of the end times. Imagine that Bruce Jenner becoming a woman!
Mum's Friend: who's Bruce Jenner?
Sometimes after watching Cheaters or The Jerry Springer show- her current favourites- my mum retires to bed immediately. On one such night around 11:00 pm..
Mum: I'm going to sleep, turn off the lights. Goodnight.
Me: ok, goodnight (I turn off all the lights)
About 45 minutes later, I decide to take a bath. When I step into my room (which is dark) a few minutes later, I nearly have a heart attack. My mum is lying down on my bed in a long, white outfit smiling at me. Why???
Mum: I wanted to scare you. (mission accomplished!)
My brother and I are watching Ocean’s 11 when mum settles in beside us. After a while..
Mum: Is there no one else ko ni yen ni? (Isn't that 'Is there no one else'?)
Billz, Me: Yes. (We both know she's referring to Brad Pitt! Sorry Brad, not your sexiest nickname).
I love my mum to no end and I’m truly grateful for all the mentioned and unmentioned scenarios 🙂 . I enjoy hearing her sing Anita Baker songs and watching her dance to Kanda Bongo Man (don’t even get me started on this dude) 🙂 .
Feel free to share your own ‘mumsi’ stories or scenarios.